Here's the rejection from Assistant Editor Karen Marshall:
Thanks very much for sending this story to _Beneath Ceaseless Skies_. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for us. Fenin didn't feel as vivid to me as I'd like; I wished I got a stronger sense in the opening of his personal investment in his task--what drove him, what he feared, and what conflicts lay ahead for him. We appreciate your interest in our magazine. Please feel free to submit again.
Regards, Kate Marshall
_Beneath Ceaseless Skies_ http://beneath-ceaseless-skies.com
So that sucks. But on the bright side, this is the most in-depth rejection I've ever received; they tell me what they didn't like about, and what they wish they saw. That's pretty awesome. But this creates a new problem: Do I edit, or do I just ship off elsewhere?
I think this is a job for my new writing group. I'm going to post it over there and see if I can get some input.